Abusive Relationships: Why Stay in the Relationship and What Determines Leaving Essay

It is often asked why a woman doesn’t leave an abusive relationship. Society tends to assume that the decision is as simple as a normal break-up, if not easier because there is an obvious reason to leave. But there are many factors involved into the relationship and many things to consider when making the decision to stay or to leave. In abusive relationships, what determines staying and what determines leave? It is estimated that annually 3 million occurrences of domestic violence occur and that one in four women will become a victim of such violence. Of those victims, more than four people are killed daily as a result of domestic violence (DVRC). With abuse possibly escalating to a point of death, why would a spouse stay in a relationship? Conclusions have been drawn as to why a woman might stay in the relationship, including internal and external resources. The external resources would include such things as an income, social support, housing etc. Internal resources would include a person’s self-esteem, mental health status, whether they suffer from depression or anxiety. Pamela Choice and Leanne Lamke stated that different theories needed to be taken into consideration when observing a women’s decision to stay or leave. The theories included learned helplessness, psychological entrapment, the investment model and reasoned action or planned behavior. Learned helpless is a situation where the victim feels she had no other options, that not matter what she does the situation will remain the same. Psychological entrapment is where a women tries to make the relationship a nonviolent one, but instead the violence continues causing her to feel that she should have tried harder. This situation often leaves the woman feeling that a nonviolent relationship is attainable and questioning if it is worth the investment, and if so, she then feels that there is too much invested thus far to leave, in turn causing the feelings of entrapment. The investment model determines whether maintaining the current relationship is worthwhile, is she better off to leave and is she satisfied in the relationship. Finally, the reasoned action model is where a women is able to determine if she is able to actually leave, is it within her control and is it more beneficial for her to leave than to stay in the relationship. External forces also contribute to a woman’s decision to leave. Establishing employment, housing and other essential tasks also become extremely difficult during the separation from an abusive partner (Bell 2007). With such struggles, within two months 60% of women end up returning to their partners (Bell 2007). In Carlson and McNutt’s study observing partner abuse and mental health, they looked at the women’s personal history of abuse. Whether or not she been exposed to violence as a child or as an adult. Also the effects the abuse has on a women’s mental health including depression, anxiety and posttraumatic stress disorder. They found that many battered women had low levels of social support which in turn lead to higher levels of depression and more difficulty with problem solving. In a self-evaluation, many of the participants reported higher levels of symptoms for anxiety and depression (Carlson 2002). Women in an abused relationship tend to have a certain level of dependency upon their partner, causing them to feel trapped. Women who are more likely to be economically dependent and unemployed (especially with children) are at a higher risk of being in an abusive relationship (Bostock 2008). Bostock et. al studied what reasons were involved in a woman decision to stay in a harmful relationship. They investigated twelve women from rural Northern New England between the ages of 21 and 56, on various aspects of the relationship. Theses aspects included how the abuse began, the ways of abusing, the impact of the abuse, what factors contributed to recognizing the abuse as intolerable and what helped in gaining independence. They concluded that a women’s reason for stay was fear of the abuser, a feeling of commitment to the relationship and insufficient funds or resources. To help leave the relationship the women studied pulled upon their sense of hope, humor and spirituality and reclaiming their identity (Bostock 2008). In 1976 Richard Gelles studied abused wives and why they stay. In his article he stated that women do not break off a relationship for a number of reasons including negative self-esteem, the belief the husband will reform, economic hardship, difficulty of employment, surviving alone, the children’s wellbeing (economically) and the stigma with divorce. He also discovered that a woman would be more likely to stay in an abusive relationship if she had been exposed to abuse as a child, growing up with idea that it is allowed for a man to hit his wife. Another contributing factor to a women’s decision to stay is a lack of outside resources, not seeing many alternatives to the current situation. If the abuse is inconstant and not considered severe, then she will remain with the spouse (Gelles 1976). The decision to leave an abusive relationship was studied by Michael Strube in 1984, and his work was cited through many other journals. The population consisted of 251 women of low to middle income, varying in age from 17 to 69 to have been exposed to moderate of life threatening violence. Of the 251 women, 177 had decided to leave the abusive partner and those who stayed reported doing so because of love-the abuser promised changing behavior, economic hardship or lack of resources. Strube concluded that a woman was more likely to remain with the abuser if the violence was considered less frequent and less severe. Also, if the woman was exposed to violent models as a child she was more likely to remain as opposed to women who had not. But women who had previously been in an abusive relationship were less likely to remain in another relationship, because they had developed intolerance to the abuse. Strube also found that women with fewer resources, such as economic and social support were less likely to leave. Studies have found though that ending a relationship does not end the abuse, violence is often high is situations where the women is separate from the abuser as opposed to if she was involved in a relationship. Another factor involved is how the separation occurred rather than whether or not the separation occurred (Bell 2007). The decision to leave a relationship is difficult it becomes increasingly difficult when the partner is violent. The women, individual mentally have to â€Å"prepare† themselves as such to leave the relationship, and evaluate every aspect of their life and their future. Without sufficient support and resources leaving a dangerous and harmful situation is virtually impossible. To seek the support and resources a certain level of self worth and esteem is essential, providing the woman with an appreciation for her future.